He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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