Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
