I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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