So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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