party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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