Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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