dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
