My pussy is not your playground.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
