I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love having hate sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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