shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
