Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
