I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
