It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
