Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
