Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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