I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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