Umm I'm too high to move.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
