I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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