he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
