Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
