I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
