she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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