I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
