hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
