woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
