Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
