it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
