he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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