What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
