oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
