The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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