You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
