overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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