morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
