I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
