that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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