just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
