i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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