i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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