I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
