I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
