I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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