Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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