well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
