After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize