puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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