he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize