How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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