I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
