hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
