I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
