i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
