It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
