She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
