better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want nice things and good sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
