My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
