I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize