I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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