I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wear drunk well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
