eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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