Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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