with your own penis?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
