think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
