Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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