my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
