He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
