Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
