I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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