Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
