dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
