Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
