pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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