do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
