hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
