Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
