I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
