i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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