Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
