Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
