Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
