The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
