I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
