Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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