well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize