k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize