took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
