I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
