Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize