Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
