We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
