The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
