I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
