just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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