Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
