so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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