I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
