At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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