Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
