Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
