i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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