Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
