The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
