my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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