I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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