Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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