Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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