Having a random hookup so left but love u
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
