I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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