i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
