Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
