Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
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