Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
