Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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