dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
