it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
