you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
