Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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