I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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