he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
