We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
