I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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