Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
