you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
